Sorrow
by Taxi
Summary: This body never knew how much a heart could hurt. Usagi's POV mostly during the time Mamoru was brainwashed. Songfic based on Sorrow by Flyleaf. Oneshot.


This is from Usagi's POV and takes place from slightly before the Silver Crystal formed to slightly before the battle with Beryl. The song is _Sorrow_ by Flyleaf. Enjoy!

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_Sometimes life seems too quiet_  
I used to be thankful for the peace. That was before I realized what happened when it was quiet for too long. Silence meant enemies were planning something big.  
_Into paralyzing silence_  
I looked out my window. It was a new moon. Mother used to tell me the Terrans would train during the new moon.  
_Like the moonless dark_  
The darkness helped them as they trained new soldiers to be ready for anything. Perhaps, seeing as I was born on Earth in this life and, therefore, a Terran in one respect, the new moon would help me.  
_Meant to make me strong_  
Though, honestly, I think a full moon would have helped so much more.  
_Familiar breath of my old lies_  
"Usagi?" Luna's voice caused me to look away from the night sky. "Are you alright?" I thought about my answer for only a moment."I'm fine, Luna." I put a smile on my face. It wasn't as if I hadn't lied to her before. She seemed to be appeased for the moment at least.  
_Changed the color in my eyes_  
She had yet to see how my eyes darkened slightly when I lied. Mother would always catch me in a lie that way. I turned back to my window. The time would come soon. Soon the life my senshi had come to know would change.  
_Soon he will perforate the fabric of the peaceful by and by  
_  
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_Sorrow lasts through this night_  
They remembered. They remembered their previous lives when the light of my crystal sparkled in the cavern. My prince and my guardians finally came to realize what I had known for months. It hurt me to have them remember. I knew I wanted to have a normal life; I knew they would want that as well. Why shouldn't they? I would fight for things to remain somewhat normal. I wasn't a princess now. I shouldn't have been treated as one. At least I could take solace in the knowledge that, now, I could reach out to Mamoru just as freely as Endymion reached out to Serenity._  
I'll take this piece of you_  
I would take just these precious moments. I would take the warmth of his body in my lap. I would take the soft tickle of his hair under my fingertips._  
And hold for all eternity_  
Yes, I would take just this.  
_For just one second I felt whole_  
He reached for my hand. Chiba Mamoru reached for my, Tsukino Usagi's, hand--no alter egos involved. I brought it to my cheek. I just wanted to feel every part of him and to let him know how much I cared. I smiled as I thought about the things we'd done over the last few months.  
He was a little boy who picked on the little girl he had a secret crush on--the five year old boy in the seventeen year old body. I was the little girl who wanted to beat up the little boy so he would never know how I really felt--or how he made my knees weak when he smiled. We were the two heroes who would work together to defeat the monster. He was the prince charming and I was the princess he was searching for.  
I wanted to scream when I felt my conscious fading from the power surge of the crystal. I wasn't able to before I fainted._  
As you flew right through me_

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_Left alone with only reflections of the memory_  
I'd never cried like that in this life. This body never knew how much a heart could hurt. My soul knew--the soul I shared with that princess.  
_To face the ugly girl that's smothering me  
Sitting closer than my pain_  
Was it wrong to hate her? Was it wrong to blame her? I lost the only man I cared about when she showed her face. The decisions she made were the reasons I couldn't be normal, why a witch was bent on destroying me and my friends.  
_He knew each tear before it came_  
I leaned my forehead on the cool windowpane as the sobs continued. I only wanted Mamoru to hold me. I could feel how much Serenity wanted Endymion to hold her and that only amplified my pain. I knew he could make it stop. I wrapped my arms around my stomach. I was hurting everywhere. I hoped, prayed, and begged that it would be his arms around me soon.

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_Soon he will perforate the fabric of the peaceful by and by_  
He asked for my hand. I gladly gave it. He pulled me into his chest and held me tenderly, as if he wanted to protect me from the words he uttered. Metallia, Beryl, the Shitennou...I rested my weary head against his body and listened to his heartbeat.  
"I will fight as long as I can for you."_  
Sorrow lasts through this night_  
His words had shaken me. I prayed to Selene everything would not end tonight. How had it come to this? An all out war on the Moon? I didn't know this so-called queen of the Negaverse or why she hated me so. I felt no hatred towards her. What had I done to deserve her vengeful anger? I only felt pity for her now.  
_I'll take this piece of you_  
He took my hands as we stood on the balcony in the earthlight.  
_And hold for all eternity_  
I gave him my locket. I told him to keep it until the war was over. I just prayed we would live long enough to see it.  
_For just one second I felt whole_  
"Serenity...I just hope you know how much you mean to me." His eyes held such a passion, I couldn't suppress the shiver that moved over my body.  
"I do," I whispered fiercely.  
"You are in my heart..." I smiled at the light blush on his cheeks. I'd never grow tired of seeing his tender heart. I felt a deep blush gracing my mine own.  
"And you will always be in mine." The emotions finally overflowed as he drew me into his cape for what we hoped wouldn't be our last kiss. I allowed myself to pretend as I lost myself in his embrace. I imagined everything would work out. I envisioned Endymion and I would be married in the coming months, that we would live long lives and have many children. I dared to dream we weren't living a lie.  
_As you flew right through me  
_  
Suddenly, I was running. I paid no heed to my mother's calls. I was screaming for him. He was all that mattered now. Why wouldn't he answer me! I turned the corner sharply, effectively injuring my ankle in the process. He was on the ground, bleeding. I shrieked for him again, overlooking my pain and the ringing in my head from Mother's constant mind calls.  
_And we kiss each other one more time_  
He died in my arms only asking for a kiss as his dying wish. I couldn't deny him.  
_And sing this lie that's halfway mine_  
I smiled for him. Even through the tears I couldn't stop, I smiled for him. I wanted him to be comfortable. My heart ripped as I told him how much I loved him. I wrapped my arms around him to keep him warm. I saw the life slip from his eyes. I couldn't hold on any longer. My chest ached with the sobs only my death would stop. I picked up the sword Endy dropped by his side.  
It used to be something to admire. Perfectly balanced steel adorned with precious gems was usually kept in a beautifully metal sheath that looked almost woven with its intricate design.  
Now, that sheath was strewn across the room, a forgotten memoir of battle taking place outside my home. The steel was dulled and worn, even jagged at places--hardly fitting for a prince.  
Would he forgive me for being unable to go on without him?  
_The sword is slicing through the question_  
I do not regret that decision.  
_So I won't be fooled by his angel light  
_  
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_Sorrow lasts through this night_  
I awoke at the first light of dawn. My hand pressed against the very place Serenity stabbed herself. The dream was so fresh and vivid. I felt the tears beginning again. I expected them. What I didn't expect was the subtle feeling of a hand upon my cheek, wiping my tears away.  
I broke out of my reverie suddenly with the sound of little bells. My head snapped to my bedside table. My golden locket was twinkling with its beautiful song, our song. The melody filled me and soothed all the pain.  
_I'll take this piece of you_  
I felt his soul reaching out to mine. I closed my eyes and reveled in the feeling. It had been so long and in only a few short moments I was already drunk with the feeling._  
And hold for all eternity_  
He wanted to comfort me, to ease my pain. He never wanted me to cry. My arms wrapped themselves around chest and I allowed myself to pretend it was really him._  
For just one second I felt whole_  
I swear even now I felt his warmth. Mamoru was with me this morning. He wanted my smile to light up his world_.  
As you flew right through me_  
The feeling faded slowly.  
"Mamo-chan..."  
_And up into the stars_  
I smiled. I'd be in his arms soon. I'd waited more than one thousand years. I could wait a little longer.  
_Joy will come_

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To clear up a few things…I like the belief that Usagi knew who she was before the crystal formed and merely wanted to be as normal as possible for as long as she could. I hold the belief that an Usa/Mamo romance is just that. I do not think Endy/Serenity affect them very much until they take the throne but, rather, those two have their own romance in only the way two souls can. Usagi and Mamoru can feel their past selves, have their memories, converse with them, etc etc but, Usagi loves Mamoru, Serenity loves Endymion and vice versa. Also, I believe Usagi and Mamoru have a soul link just as I portrayed Endy and Serenity having. I hope I portrayed these beliefs.

My favorite scene in the entire series was from the English dub when Usagi relives the final night on the moon (Episode 34? Something like that anyway.). Her dream sequence quotes from that scene directly.

I'd love to know what you think. Also, please correct me if you see any errors.


End file.
